Recently I have not been doing very well in my classes. I've been trying to understand my C++ programming class and calculus, but it seems to no avail. This stems from several things:
1. I am a lazy student. Learning has always come very easily; I practically read textbooks by osmosis, but that doesn't always mean that I'm going to understand what I absorb. Because of this, I have never put much effort into practicing things outside of class, rather I refer to examples or wait for the instructor to explain something.
2. I do not ask for help. I am a proud and admittedly somewhat arrogant person, and asking for help would be akin to admitting that I'm wrong, and if you know me, you know that I am never wrong.
3. The University of Michigan has really hard classes. I'm not saying this to scare any of you from later attending "The U", as we fondly call it, I'm merely submitting an observation.
These things considered, I am mad at myself. I'm smarter than this. I am a pretty damn smart person. This has been my failure, and no one else's, and I do not accept failure. I will persevere. The worst part for me, is that I have been complaining to everyone I can and they all seem to have an unshakable faith in me that I obviously do not have in myself. I know why I'm doing; I want pity. I want someone to agree and say, "Yes, you've screwed up." I am making myself sick, both physically with stress and worry, and in the sense that what I'm doing is revolting to me. I don't want your pity.
I don't know what I should do. Yes I do. I should man up and get it over with. If I fail, then I will try again. There's nothing else I can do.
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2 comments:
Honey, you know we will alwyas have faith in you. And you will never "fail". James you can do anything you put your mind to. Trust us, if you wont trust yourself. I love you.
I do the whole "dont study out of class" thing, I dont know I think its not doing to well. haha. Ben really does need to get on that good music thing. <3's
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