Update

I was clicking through my bookmarks this evening, avoiding my calculus and physics homework without exactly ignoring it, when I came a across this link. First I thought, "Hey, no one updates this page." Then I realized that it's mine. I have been rather delinquent with it, I confess. Actually, I guess that I've been delinquent with a lot of my tasks lately. Despite my deceleration of intent regarding this semester, things have not been going well. For some reason I still have trouble with calculus and now I have trouble with physics too. It seems that I can only do well in one subject at a time. Currently that subject is programming which doesn't make me altogether happy.

I will admit right away that I am not the most studious student. I hate studying and I can always think of better or more interesting things to do. It's not from lack of motivation; I don't want to work a dead end job for the rest of my life, and even if I did those jobs are quickly disappearing. Even my normal mantras and self motivators don't really seem to help. Or rather, they don't help for very long. My short attention span doesn't help either. Already my thoughts are drifting away from this page and I've only been writing for a few minutes. Sure there are things that can keep my attention for quite a while: good books, games, television, good conversation, and the like, but I still drift easily. During class I look out the windows (when there are windows) and just think about being outside.

Perhaps my best motivation to date has come from a conversation with my father. He was asking me to start trying to locate funds for the next school year. I never really gave thought to how I would pay for college, I guess I just assumed that everything would take care of itself, and largely it has, but the ever present demon Murphy sees fit to rear his ugly head from time to time, usually in the form of medical bills of one kind or another. My sister's medications are ridiculously expensive and she's on so many of them... plus my mother's deteriorating joints, my introduction to the hardships of parkour, and the unrelated costs of sending my little brother to private school. My father indicated that while funds have been set aside for my education over the years, these unforeseen expenses have had somewhat of an impact on the availability of those funds.

It would seem that my new motivation not to fail would be that the cost of my education will soon be coming from my own pocket.